"MY 5 STAR REVIEW" - even though the hotel was half full in the middle of the off season...my request for an extra hour past designated checkout of noon was like I'd asked them to reinvent the concept of "hoteling".
The rather snooty (they all kinda were, and it seems a prerequisite front-of-house hiring policy for Citadineseseses everywhere (cf Singapore)) front of desk lady, sighed and huffed and eventually said "ok, you can stay until 1pm, if you give us a 5 Star review on Google". When we duly checked out at 1pm sharp, she asked me to show her the review on my phone. Which of course I hadn't bothered my **** to write.
Anyway, finally here it is (thank you for your patience, your hotel isn't important to us):
"3 STARS... thinks it's better than it is, and shouldn't be bribing guests with patheticness in an effort to game the Google rating system. Trust me, there are better places to stay."