Mount Magnet Grand Hotel

There are a limited number of places to stay in Mt. Magnet, unfortunately the ‘Grand Hotel’ is rated the lowest by all websites – and for good reason. We arrived after dark and went into the bar to check in. The pleasant bar staff issued the room keys and directed us to the unlit accommodation area next door, where with the aid of phone torches, we managed to find the room numbers (helpfully overpainted the same black colour as the doors and were effectively invisible). On entering the room and fumbling for the light switch, the resultant flickering fluorescent tube showed a large gecko on a wall, which I was pleased to see, as it might eat some of the cockroaches that scattered from the centre of the floor to hide in the numerous crevices around the peeling faux wood panelling and cracks in the wall. As the light gradually brightened, the true glory of this magnificent room became obvious – the artistic strips of paint coming away from the ceiling, the loose trim from the doorways and the air conditioner that was secured in a too-large hole in the wall with an old fish box. I particularly liked the disintegrating 1930’s rattan chairs (and I am referring to the supposed age of them, not their style) and the ingenious nearly fully-equipped kitchen consisting of a toaster and kettle, balanced on a microwave, which in turn was balanced on a small (but working) ‘fridge. Above this was the comprehensive entertainment system – a tiny wall-mounted TV which did actually work, but only provided one channel as the remote control was broken. Through to the bathroom, where the constantly-trickling toilet and below the cracked mirror and duct-taped window was a stained sink with novel taps that twisted as a whole instead of turning on and off. The piece-de-resistance however the shower! What had gone on in the shower, I will never know – but the marks remained. Two small towels and a very dubious bath mat were provided. The room was hot, but the aforementioned air conditioner clattered to life and provided some cooling air. Dinner was (by arrangement) provided across the road at the Commercial Club Hotel, for which I believe I will be eternally grateful. This was a more modern, clean and bright establishment which produced some excellent food and a convivial atmosphere. After returning from the evening meal, I decided to brave the shower. To my surprise it produced some warm water, however I would advise footwear to be worn at all times. The carpet was a dark grey colour, except near the walls and a large woven rug was covering a proportion of it. Both were sticky. Curiosity got the better of me and I lifted a corner of the rug to reveal that the carpet was actually a light grey, but years of grime and sweaty feet had changed its shade somewhat. The bedside light was missing a bulb, but this was probably a blessing in disguise as the wall switch had disintegrated and the adjoining socket sparked when anything was plugged into it. After a lon